I Dislike to provide this up but the Almighty owes me 29 euros for a pair of jogging pants

I HATE to bring this up but the Almighty owes me 29 euros for a pair of jogging pants.
On current form, this won't tip the balance much when I get to the Pearly Gates but I feel He ought to know.
Last weekend, I queued for an hour in temperatures of about 100F to visit St Peter's Basilica in Rome and, having finally got to the front, standing almost under the balcony where the Pope regularly gives his blessing to the Catholic faithful, I was turned away by a Vatican bouncer for wearing shorts.

Now, inside this most beautiful of buildings there are paintings of cherubs wearing nothing but a rosy-lipped smile. Michelangelo's Creation in the Sistine Chapel features more naked flesh than you'll find on Men And Motors TV.
But God, apparently, doesn't like knees - well, not my knees, anyway. So I lost the argument and off I went to buy something to cover them up, which I did in a sports outlet on the Borgo Vittorio under the Vatican walls.

The shop was surprisingly well-stocked, which clearly begs the question of what cardinals wear under their red robes - Nike Air trainers, perhaps, or maybe those stringy Reebok basketball vests.
Anyway, I got back in the queue, received a nod from the bouncer, and so it came to pass that I finally joined the celestial throng wearing the ill-fitting bottom half of an Adidas shellsuit.
St Peter's is one of Rome's most glorious sights but by no means the only highlight of a visit to the Eternal City.

In the height of summer the place is comparatively deserted and if you are prepared to swelter it out, walking only on the shaded side of the streets and stopping regularly for drinks, you'll be rewarded with an unforgettable weekend.
The sun will be glinting off a hundred marble statues, fountains and ancient columns.
The bars and restaurants will be only half-full and the streets and piazzas will be mercifully free of traffic fumes. Here's a guide...

GETTING THERE
Rome has two airports and most scheduled flights arrive at Fiumicino, about 18 miles from the centre. You can take a train (e9, about #6) to Termini Station, near most central hotels.
A taxi costs around e50 (#35) direct to your hotel. Charter and no-frills airlines tend to use Ciampino Airport. Although closer to the city, public transport from here is poor.
Once in the city, there are plenty of buses to whizz you about - buy tickets from newsagents and tabacchi kiosks. There's also a Metro but it's really only there to serve commuters.

The best way to get about is to walk. And when the legs start aching, get a taxi to your hotel.
WHERE TO STAY
If you've got the budget of a Roman Emperor there are several La Dolce Vita five-star hotels, particularly along the famous Via Veneto. The Majestic website majestic.com) and the Regina Baglioni (email: regina.roma@ baglionihotels.com) are the poshest of these.
I stayed at the Marcella Royal website a friendly, well-furnished, reasonably-priced four-star hotel in the Via Flavia, about a 20-minute stroll from the city's main sights.

There's a fabulous view across the city from the hotel's roof terrace bar and breakfast room, taking in the dome of St Peter's and the red roofs and spires of countless palazzos and churches.
WHAT TO SEE
Where to begin. The city is a vast 3,000-year-old living museum and to explore the key areas properly over a weekend you have to plan your routes carefully.
Most of the Ancient Roman sights are around the Colosseum (admission e10, about #7), and this is probably the best place to start.

Despite the crowds of cruise-ship tourists and locals trying to earn a crust dressed as gladiators - some wearing rather unconvincing socks and sandals - there is something quite spooky about this monument to Ancient Rome's power and decadence.
Founded around 72AD by the Emperor Vespasian (well, Jewish prisoners from the Judean Revolt actually did the hard work), the Colosseum could seat more than 50,000 spectators.
At the arena's inauguration in 80AD they watched 100 days and nights of "entertainment" during which some 5,000 wild animals, including lions, elephants and crocodiles, were slaughtered.

The emperor Trajan later held 117 consecutive days of games in which 9,000 hapless gladiators got the thumbs-down and the Colosseum's wooden floor was even flooded to stage mock sea battles.
While it was all very gruesome, the games provided a showcase for Rome's imperial might - with exotic animals shipped in from the four corners of the empire - and allowed the Roman people themselves a share in the power of life or death over the bloodied combatants in the arena below, most of whom were either prisoners of war or slaves.


Outside the Colosseum is Constantine's Arch, built to celebrate one of the emperor's victories in 312AD. From here, you can walk down the Via Gregorio on to the Palatine Hill (admission e7, around #5).
This was the mythical founding place of Rome, where Romulus and Remus were brought after being found among the wolves. A succession of Emperors built their homes here, including Augustus, Tiberius, Caligula and Domitian.
By the Middle Ages, the remains of most of these had been built over by monasteries, churches and palaces but you can still see the excavated ruins of some imperial houses.

Among the best-preserved is the Casa di Livia, built in the 1st Century BC for Augustus's wife. There's a mosaic-covered courtyard and walls with frescoes of flowers and landscapes.
Visit the Palatine Museum, housed in a former convent, which contains thousands of artifacts, including pottery, statues and fine mosaics.
Across from the Palatine is the Capitoline Hill, the religious heart of Ancient Rome. It is now home to two good museums, the Palazzo dei Conservatori and the Palazza Nuovo (admission to both e6, around #4).

These contain a collection of superb statues, including Marcus Aurelius on horseback, the Dying Gaul, dating from the 3rd Century BC, and the famous bronze She-Wolf with her suckling twins, from the 5th Century BC, which became a symbol of Ancient Rome.
Beneath the Capitoline Hill you'll find the Roman Forum, or what remains of it after centuries of plundering by Romans for its stone and marble to build churches and palaces. This was the home of the Curia, the meeting place of the Roman Senate, which was restored in the 1930s.


After all this sightseeing, you might feel a bit like a Roman ruin yourself, so pop across the Via dei Fori Imperiali where there's an information office and exhibition centre with a shady patio serving beer and coffee.
Afterwards, you can visit the Forums of Trajan, Julius Caesar and Nerva and have a snigger at the Il Vittoriano building on Piazza Venezia.
This ridiculously over-the-top monument to Victor Emmanuel II, the first king of a united Italy, was finished in 1911. Mussolini used to make speeches from the balcony and it is now known as the best address in Rome - because if you're inside, you can't see the outside.

Actually, it houses a good art nouveau museum and there are excellent views of Rome from the top.
Il Vittoriano has plenty of copycat fountains but what you're here for is the real thing. You'll find these about a 20-minute walk away in one of Rome's prettiest and liveliest squares, the Piazza Navona.
Lined with open-air restaurants and ornate Baroque buildings, this is the city's answer to St Mark's Square in Venice, with prices to match. There are three fountains, the central one being Bernini's Fontana dei Quattro Fiumi, which took four years to build and was finished in 1651.

This is where Rome starts to drift from its despotic, imperial past into a romantic, "three coins in a fountain" idyll, with large, naked, bearded figures surrounded by sea nymphs, fighting with serpents and posing rather spectacularly amid cascades of water.

The Trevi Fountain, just a 10-minute walk away, is every bit as awe-inspiring as the pictures you've seen and there are other, just as exquisite fountains and statues around every corner. Smaller, yes, but size isn't everything in the City of Marble Willies.

Near the Trevi is the Pantheon (admission free), Rome's best-preserved ancient building. Literally the "temple to all the gods", it was built by Marcus Agrippa in 27BC, rebuilt by Domitian after it burned down in 80AD and botched up again by Hadrian after being struck by lightning in 120AD.

It's a hugely impressive round building and two Italian kings and the artist Raphael are buried here.
From Piazza Navona it's a short walk along the pretty, pedestrianised Via dei Coronari, with its antique shops and cobbled alleyways, to the River Tiber. Surprisingly little has been done to enhance this natural resource in a city stifling in the summer heat. There are no obvious bars or restaurants lining the bank and, unlike Paris, there are no advertised boat trips.

However, a stroll across the Ponte Sant' Angelo will bring you on to the Via della Conciliazone, the road to St Peter's Square. Whatever your faith, it's a dramatic sight. Once inside the Basilica (admission free but #1.50 to climb the dome) the scale of the place is awesome.
(By the way, God not only abhors knees, He doesn't like women's shoulders, either - so bring a shawl).
More than 60,000 people can genuflect in here without bumping their covered kneecaps and the furniture is fabulous. There's Michelangelo's Pieta, a graceful,

emotive sculpture of the Madonna with her dead son. The Baldacchino, Bernini's huge altar canopy, is quite breathtaking. And the stained-glass window which frames the throne of St Peter looks suitably ethereal in the sunlight.
The Sistine Chapel (admission #6), the Pope's private chapel, is a highlight of any visit to Rome. The frescoes are a feast for the eyes - the walls covered in works by Boticelli and Perugino, the famous ceiling by Michelangelo. You'll strain your neck but it's worth every moment.

Walk north from the Vatican along the tree-lined Via Cola di Rienzo and over the river to the pretty Piazza del Populo. You can walk down to the Piazza Spagna and the Spanish Steps which, pretty though they are, have become a tacky tourist site.
Climb the steps and up the hill until you find an entrance to the Villa Borghese (admission free), a huge, leafy park. Inside are art galleries, picnic areas and a lake. A perfect place for a hot afternoon. And you can wear shorts.

WHERE TO EAT AND DRINK
Rome is not the cheapest city for a night out. At a cafe overlooking the Pantheon I paid #6 for two coffees. But the standard of food and service is generally good and, as a rule, the further you are from the main sights, the cheaper it is.
Pizzerias are a good cheap and cheerful night out. Try the Pizzeria da Ricci off the Via Nazionale, which has been going since 1905. The Al Padovano, on the Via Bergamo, also does good pastas and pizzas, while you'll find a dozen top-class restaurants along the Via Veneto.

For drinks and discos, try Mea Culpa on Via della Stelletta and Ned Kelly, an Aussie bar on the Via delle Coppelle.
THE BOTTOM LINE
THE Marcella Royal Hotel is featured by British Airways Holidays in its Cities And Short Breaks brochure, which has a wide selection of hotels in Rome.
Its 2004 brochure is due out in October. Prices start at #362 for two nights, including return scheduled BA flights from Heathrow. Contact 0870 443 4439/ website

BRITISH Airways is launching regular flights from Gatwick to Paphos, Cyprus.
The airline will operate twice weekly services to the west of the island - on Wednesdays and Sundays from October 19.
The flights begin sooner than anticipated, said John Patterson, of GB Airways, the BA franchise.
He added: "We have been granted permission by the Cypriot authorities to start the new flights a week early, to coincide with the UK half-term holidays."

Return fares start at #159, including taxes, fees and charges.
For more details, check out ba.com or call 0870 850 90 850.
SAFE HAVENS FOR FAMILIES
HAVEN Holidays has won a top award for the Best Value Family Friendly Holiday.
The holiday park's features include PAW's club for tots aged between one and four, Bradley & Rory's Learn2Swim lessons and indoor pools with toddler-friendly splash and play areas.
Two-night breaks are still available in September from #69 at selected parks.

For full details and last-minute offers, call 0870 24 24 500 or see your local travel agent.
Visit website days.com for immediate bookings and even bigger savings online.
Prince Hall Hotel, Two Bridges, Yelverton
ENJOY dinner, b&b at Prince Hall Hotel, Two Bridges, Yelverton - in the heart of Devon - for just #75pp per night.
This "10 per cent off" deal is valid Monday to Thursday until November 30.
Call Discover Devon on 0870 608 5531 or visit website devon.com

FLIGHTS
SYDNEY: Fly Down Under with Asiana Airlines this November for #545 per person or to Auckland in September for #599 on Malaysian Airlines. Student Flights: 08708 988 website
DUBLIN: Return flight with British Airways from Gatwick costs from #66 including tax. ebookers: 0870 043 website
AMSTERDAM: For departures from Heathrow with bmi for #61 return. Must be booked before October 25. Treavel Select: 0870 990 website
HOTELS
EDINBURGH: Stay overnight at the four-star Marriott Edinburgh Hotel for #122.50. Valid throughout September, this special price includes breakfast and entrance to the Moet Seine & Sea exhibition at the Royal Scottish Academy. Leisure Direction: 020 8324 website direction.co.uk

MILAN: From #50 per person per night based on two sharing staying at the Hotel Imperial on selected midweek dates in September. Virgin Travelstore: 08700 66 55 website elstore
LONDON: Accommodation for two based at The Halkin hotel for a four- night booking costs #250 per night. Price includes breakfast and two tick
PACKAGES
TUNISIA: For departures from Luton on September 7 staying at the Kaiser Hotel in Sousse on a bed and breakfast basis costs #313 per person. Sunstart: 0870 850 928

CORFU: Seven nights bed and breakfast staying at the Erofili Hotel in Aspro Kavos costs #259 per person. For departures on September 22 flying from Gatwick. Libra Holidays: 0870 066 4843
BAHAMAS: Save #500 per person this September. Fourteen nights all inclusive at the Holiday Inn Sunspree Hotel on Nassau costs #999 per person. Flights depart between September 3-24 from Gatwick. Tropical Places: 0800 316 website tropicalplaces.co.uk

SHORT BREAKS
BRUSSELS: Depart September 5 or 12 from Waterloo. Accommodation at the five star Sheraton Tower Hotel from #199pp based on two sharing and includes return first class Eurostar tickets and two nights bed and breakfast. Lastminute.com: website
CANNES: Four nights for the price of three staying at the four star Gray D'Albion Hotel. Prices start from #480 per person based on two sharing for departures until October 31 and includes scheduled flights from Heathrow, Gatwick or Manchester, transfers and accommodation with breakfast.

Kirker Holidays: 020 7231 3333/ website
WASHINGTON: Week-long break in Washington DC staying at the Hilton for #569 per person for departures throughout September based on two people sharing. The price includes room only accommodation and return scheduled flights with Virgin Atlantic from Heathrow.
Thomas Cook Signature: 0870 443 website IN ROME

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